Nail MADNESS - My Very First Knockwurst

OPI and I have this jacked up love/hate relationship.  Some of their collections I MUST HAVE ALL OF THEM OH MY GOD BETTER GET BACKUPS and some of them, like their Germany collection, I kinda shrug at and don't get any of.  The only reason I bought MVFK is because I had a job interview at an insurance firm the next day and wanted something really conservative.  No glitter.  No pearl.  No holo.  I wanted a demure creme.  And that's just what I got.

It's a really pretty nude.  I bust it out when I'm too lazy to do much else, or when I want to impress someone who thinks I can't physically do demure.  I CAN SO.  I'M DEMURE OUT THE MOTHERFUCKIN' YING YANG, DO YOU SEE THIS NAIL POLISH?  

Nail MADNESS - Sticks and Stones Did It On 'Em

I suck at a lot of things: keeping my house clean, math, dating one person at a time, and keeping up with this blog.  I admit that being unemployed sort of made me ridiculously depressed, and it's just harder to blog when you're broke.  Now I've got a job and a goal in mind for my life (working towards going back to grad school is really doing wonders for my motivation), and it's time to start this back up.  Honestly, I'm really excited about it.  I've got loads of stuff I've never even used, and even if it's not new to me, it's new to you.

Today's a nail look (yes, I like nail polish, stfu) that's easier than it looks.  People keep asking me how I did it and when I tell them it's all about the top coat, they look at me like I'm high.  (I'm not anymore, promise!)

I give you: OPI's "Did It On 'Em" from the Nicki Minaj collection layered with Sticks and Stones from Ninja Polish.

"Did it On 'Em" is kind of a Shrek-esque green color that my mother shrieked at and flailed and ran away.  My mother's kind of a wuss, and I totally love this color.  But cremes bore me now, so I went ahead and upped the ante with a layer of Sticks And Stones by NinjaPolish.  I love how the green offsets the black and white and they just hang out and enhance each other, making everything pop in tandem and gorgeousness.  Wearing you forever, mani.

Now that I'm back I'm really going to try to stick to a Monday/Friday writing schedule; I need to learn that not every post has to be a 1500 word essay.  It's the English BA talking, not the blogger.

Nail MADNESS - Random Fly Super Bass Dancing

So, I know I've shown you Fly from the Nicki Minaj collection before, and I know I've shown you Dollish Polish's Random Dancing - but I didn't show them to you together.  I did an 'organized chaos' mani with those two on some nails and Fly and Super Bass shatter on the others.  All of these are in natural light.

Okay, so I know I jacked up that middle nail, but dude, I don't even care.  How pretty is that?  I prefer OPI's shatters to China Glaze's, as they crackle a bit more.  What pairings are you rocking?

Nail MADNESS - Nail Art for the Unartistic

When I was in junior high school, we had a mandatory art class.  Part of that art class was sculpting with clay a little figure that we'd eventually fire in a kiln (under supervision, of course) and paint.  I didn't realize until I moved away from Colorado how much of a hippie liberal arts school district I'd been in; it was only when I was under the oppressive bootheel of Arizona's public schools did I realize what a good thing I'd had.  Because while I was sculpting, I didn't get it.  Not the reason behind making us take the class - I didn't get how to do art.  Now writing, writing I get.  I love shaping words and images in people's minds.  I will debate at length why certain writers put commas in certain places.  I loved writing papers about why certain POVs were useful in creating a moral in a certain story.  But sculpting a little woman was beyond me.  I gave up and just poked some holes in a blob and told my teacher it was an abstract representation of the psyche of the woman in a world that was post-feminist and yet still bound by the patriarchy.  I got an A, which I think was mostly out of pity.

The point I'm trying to make here is that I'm not an 'artist'.  I love nail art, but I still don't ... get it.  Plus, beyond my ineptitude, I still have the whole 'no time for extensive nail work' thing.  One way I've found to make nail art super easy is nail decals.  Now, I'm here to tell you that there's two kinds of decals: the kind that are stickers, and the kind what are made out of nail polish.  DO NOT GET THE STICKERS.  Even if you put a topcoat on, as soon as you wash your hands they'll peel off.  I tried ones by Julep and Kiss both and they both said they'd last for five days minimum, more with a topcoat.  And what happened?  I went to wash my hands after I peed because i'm not a friggin' heathen, and bam.  Off with the nail stickers.  On the other hand, Sally Hansen Salon Effects are made with actual nail polish.  Does this make them harder to put on?  Absolutely.  Does this mean they'll last longer?  Um, yeah.  I put a topcoat on mine after using, and once had a mani last three weeks.  At 8 to 10.00 USD a pop (depending upon where I buy them), I'll take it.  And they're cute, too!

"Spun Up", a limited edition from around Halloween last year.

"Numbskull", a limited edition from around Halloween last year.

I also dig crackle for making it look like I put more effort into my nails than I really did.  It's also good for when you really like a color but just chipped the shit out of it by slamming it into your desk drawer at work while trying to root around for a paperclip and being a klutz.  Not that I'd know anything about that, nope.

This is Julep "Emilie" on my fingers (the green) with Chanel "Midori" on my ring finger (the yellow).  Over that, I've got plain old OPI black crackle.  That's about a week in.  You can see the desk injuries right around the cuticle.

And last but not least is my beloved Konad.  I love nail stamping, and it's honestly not as daunting as some people make it out to be.  Yes, it takes some time to do it and make it look good, but that's not too terrible.  In terms of skill needed, as long as you're partient and can handle repetition, you'll be okay.  There's a million and one tutorials on YouTube to help you get started.  And honestly, if I can do it, I know you can.  And I can do it.

That's Emilie again by Julep with Konad Special polish (plate M57) on top.  See how it came out mostly pretty clean?  You can do it too, I promise.

I can't draw a straight line even with the help of a ruler, but I like to gussy up my nails.  How do you do it?

Nail MADNESS - Knackered Techno

Man, I like me some nail polish.  It's just such an easy way to cheer yourself up for (usually) under twenty bucks.  Butter London's Spring/Summer collection wasn't really that exciting for me, if only because I don't do a lot of teals or pinks.  But Knackered has loads of microglitter in it, which just makes it shiny and lovely in the bottle, so I couldn't resist.

Curse you, Butter London.  Here's my 14.00 USD, now leave me the hell alone.  ... for now.  ... for now.


Here's how she looks swatched:

Now, I'll interject here quickly - as soon as I got this home, I thought "hold up, she looks a lot like Not Like the Movies by OPI".  Remember that one, from the Katy Perry collection a while ago?

Yes, they do look familiar.  They're both sort of like oil spills - you know when you see oil on pavement and it does this pretty opalescent thing?  These both do that.  But while they're similar, I don't think they're exactly the same at all.

Not Like the Movies ends up being kind of a mossy green where Knackered ends up more of a sky blue.  They both have loads of glitter and shine, but the base color is in and of itself different.  They're not dupes of each other, nope!

Now, Knackered is super pretty on her own, but I tend to get confused when I just wear one color by itself.  So I went ahead and upped the ante and put some glitter on top.  I'd just gotten China Glaze's Techno from their Electropop collection that just came out, and put that on there.

I actually really love how they look together - the microglitter and hex glitter in Techno enhance the glitter that's already in Knackered.  And I even thought to take pictures in natural light!

And here you've got nothin' but shine, shine, shine.  Three coats of Knackered here on top of China Glaze adhesion basecoat, two coats of Techno, then one coat of Seche Vite.  And yes, that was three days after application, leave me alone.  YOU'RE NOT MY MOM.

Haul - Treat yo' self.

So, today my roommate and I went out and we had a fantastic day.  We decided to have a Treat Yo' Self day, a la Tom and Donna.  (And in case you watch terrible TV and don't know what we're talking about, here you go.)

First we went for massages, which was divine, and then we went to The Original Marinis Empanada House.  It's a dining institution around here, and oh my god, so good.  The empanadas are big enough where two's a meal, and one of the dessert ones are just too damn much sweet.  (I got a brisket one and a pizza one for my meal, and then a dulce de leche one for dessert.  If you live anywhere near Katy, Texas, please run there.  It's actual dulce de leche, not the crappy overly sweet stuff that just tastes like caramel.  Bleh.  That stuff sucks.)  And then after all of that, we went to Ulta.  I may have gone overboard for my teeny tiny budget - but it's Treat Yo' Self day.  THE BEST DAY OF THE YEAR!

Oh, yes, I caved and got Naked 2.  I normally hate muted colors - taupe is basically another word for depressing in my book - but just in case any super higherups from my company come by to visit (again), it'd be nice to have something that's not my usual red or orange.  I'm not going to swatch it just because everyone and their grandmother has, but in case you live in a cave (a cave with terrible TV, you should really move!), here's the back.

The eyeliner I got is Urban Decay's 24/7 in Woodstock, and honestly, it's more my speed - fucks to the yeah hot pink eyeliner!

I look forward to wearing that with a lot of bright purples and pinks, which is a lot more my speed.  (Casual Fridays?  Those are the best because I get to rock whatever I want.)

This is the Eye Studio liner by Maybelline, the gel liner.  This is the only way I can line my top lid, actually - I suck using eye pencils up there, or even the liners that are like markers.  It's kind of depressing.  If you can do it, I tip my hat to you!  The round pot of orange stuff up there is Maybelline Color Tattoo in Fierce and Tangy.  I'll probably swatch it later and do a super easy peasy eye look with it.

And here are the things I went into Ulta to get anyway, the two prettiest colors from the Nicki Minaj collection by OPI.

I cannot WAIT to get these on my nails, oh my god, eeeee.