Review: AHAVA Mineral Botanic Hibiscus & Fig

I'm a generous soul, so let's start out with the awesome things about this product.  I like that it's made without parabens and sulfates because preservatives suck and tend to make me itchy when used in quantity.  It really lives up to its claims that it moisturizes; the first time I used it, afterward I promptly said out loud, in the shower, like a crazy person "OH SNAP, MY SKIN FEELS AWESOME".  It's got more substance than a shower gel, it's more like a shower cream and a shower gel had a baby.  The fragrance is also lovely - it's light and fresh, perfect for a morning shower, but it's not heavy enough where it'll interefere with your perfume afterward.

But, alas, I'm also honest, so let me talk about the stuff that sucks.  First off, the price.  Granted, seventeen ounces is an awful lot of product, but twenty-two bucks?  It didn't make my skin that soft.  I still needed to moisturize afterward.  If it had made my skin soft enough where I threw out all of my lotions and oils, I'd pay twice that, but the lasting power of the moisture is just kind of meh.  And lastly (also worstly, but that's not even a word) comes the burny part.  This shit gave me a UTI.  I'd normally say maybe it's just me, but it gave my mother one as well.  She then pawned it off onto my younger sister while she was visiting from college who also started peeing blood the day after she used it, so she then gave it to me.  "Don't use it ... down there," she specified, giving me a knowing glance at my crotch.  I defied her good advice and happily used it to lather up my crotch 'fro, like I would with any other soap, because I am a normal person who isn't skeptical about soap having conspiracies against my urethra.  And oh, I was wrong.  How wrong I was.  As of this writing, I've mainlined some cranberry tablets and a fuckload of water in the hopes of easing the burn.  No results yet, but I'll keep you posted.

So, yes, this is nice if A) you have enough money to drop on sort of expensive body wash, and B) you avoid your vag area.  (I could name singular bits, but you know what I mean.)  Dudes, I can only assume this goes for your glans and double for your mega urethras.  But at least your pain will smell pretty good.  Here's the website if you're feeling daring.